Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
