No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
