I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
