Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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