why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
