I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
