Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
