you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
