dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
