White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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