I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
