White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
