Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
