6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
