I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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