allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
