I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
