it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
try to milk me bitch
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
