you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
