dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
