You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
