Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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