why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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