How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
