In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's blow job season.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
