she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
