My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
