if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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