if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
