You're completely useless in the revolution.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
