The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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