I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
