thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
