U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
