He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
