He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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