My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
