So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
