so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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