Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
