i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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