My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
