After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
