Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
