Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
