OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
