It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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