You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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