"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
