I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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