Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
