i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
