my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
