i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
