Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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