Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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